Cabin fever!!! Ever since the world has decided to give up on 2020, news media and social media (because they are basically the same thing) have started to discuss cabin fever. Apparently, everyone is wanting to know how to get rid of their cabin’s fever.
So fear not! This article is the comprehensive guide for you to treat your cabin when it has a fever. I have much experience in dealing with cabins and their afflictions of fever, so I am obviously a trustworthy source on the issue. We will discuss how to diagnose cabin fever, then the best ways to treat cabin fever.
So…you expect that your cabin may have a fever. How does a person diagnose their cabin with a fever? Well, as you can imagine, it is quite an ordeal. Not only are cabins predictably resistant to being tested for a fever, cabins are also horrible at self-describing their own physical issues.
Therefore, it is important to treat your cabin with dignity and respect, in order to increase the chances that your cabin will cooperate. Offering your cabin a few new shingles may go a long way in building a strong and healthy person-cabin relationship.
Testing for a Fever
Now, how does an individual test a cabin for a fever? Well, you use a thermometer, of course! Utilizing a thermometer can indicate whether your cabin is feeling under the weather or is a perfectly healthy cabin.
However, utilizing a thermometer on a cabin is slightly different then for a person. A thermometer is often placed in a person’s mouth, but a cabin does not have a mouth. So that means that it is up to the individual to decide where to place the thermometer. Any opening that could hold a thermometer will obviously work (some better than others). A window is the easy choice, but air vents and drains are also common choices. However, I would discourage utilizing a thermometer in electrical outlets. Even though electrical outlets are viable openings, they may deliver a shocking results, which is not particularly enjoyable (or safe). Be creative!
Treatments for Cabin Fever
So if your cabin is experiencing a high temperature, than it is time to administer the medicine that your cabin so desperately needs. There are various treatments that should be administered to your cabin, in order to decrease its fever:
Air Condition Rendition (with their permission)
Since your cabin is burning up (internally), an obvious treatment is adjusting the air-conditioning to the coldest temperature possible. Making the house cold can dramatically treat a fever by reducing their internal temperature, but it also may cause the person who administered the treatment to turn a bit blue.
Hot and Cold Showers
When someone has a fever, it is important to take showers. As it relates to cabin fever, hot and cold showers is a relaxing and effective treatment. A person needs to run to the shower. Now, an individual can stand either in the shower or out of the shower when administering this treatment (this topic very controversial among the cabin fever medical community). The person must turn on the water, then vibrantly and erratically switch the shower to hot and cold, hot and cold, etc. Continue this process until the water pressure has visibly decreased.
It is important to remember, you cannot tell anyone whether your cabin has a fever, nor what treatments you prescribed (because of doctor-patient confidentiality). Even if a family member or partner sees you standing in the shower, switching the water to hot and cold, you are not permitted to explain what you are doing.
Exercise is always a good way to naturally decrease a fever. Take your cabin on a run. It may be difficult to get your house to start running, at first, but never, never give up! Plead with your cabin. Tell your cabin that it needs to start to care for itself and that you want to see your cabin survive to be old and gray. Tell your cabin that exercise may be difficult at the beginning, but that it is worth it at the end.
Soup, Soup, Soup
Does your cabin have a fever? Well, then soup is the go-to treatment for all that ails your cabin. It does not matter what type of soup you make. The only fact that matters is to cook tons and tons of soup. Should you make soup in the morning? Yes! Should you make soup for your cabin in the afternoon? Most definitely! Should you get up in the middle of the night, in order to cook more soup? I think you know the answer…
Start a Fire
There is nothing quite like treating a fever with a crisp, classic fire. Start a roaring fire in your cabin over night. Make sure that the fire is large, so that it can last for hours on end! Fireplace is often beneficial for this treatment.
In the end, your cabin’s fever is a serious issue. Helping your cabin during this difficult time is something that is honorable and worthy of your time. Utilizing effective and proven treatments will help you and your cabin to overcome this fever, together!
Oh, and if you are feeling like you may have cabin fever during this time, here is an article that provides extensive information about that issue.
Good luck with your cabin’s fever and remember to do WLYF!
Attention: This article is a parody and is meant to be taken humorously and sarcastically.